Someone delivered Rock several wrapped Christmas gifts, all of which he suspected were bottles of wine or liquor. He opened one and found it contained a bottle of eighty-four proof watermelon wine. As he examined the bottle, wondering how wine could contain so much alcohol and why anyone would make wine out of watermelon, he saw through his living room windows a pickup truck with a trailer lose control and slide through his wet front lawn, digging muddy groves as it skidded to a stop.
Rock recognized the driver, a crackhead who lived up the street.
"Fuck, man, look what you've done to my yard," Rock said.
The crackhead seemed completely indifferent. "Big deal," he said. "You stole my electric skillet."
"Do what?"
"Well, OK, you didn't actually steal it yourself. Jeff stole it, and then you bought it from him."
To prevent further damage, Rock directed the crackhead to back his truck out through the groves just dug.
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